From Me to You

Here I'm sharing the first R&PL one shot I wrote and ran for D&D 5th edition. Scroll to the personal notes I've included at the bottom of the post for a link to a gameplay report of the first time I ran this as well as things I've noticed/done to improve the experience. With the exception of the goblins, all creature stats were taken/generated from A Red & Pleasant Land by Zak S.

I've written a sequel to this adventure as well, but time will tell if I share it or not. I've only run it once and it potentially needs some tweaking.

***

The Tea Party

Run time

5-6 hours

Party Level

A level 1 party of 2-6 players

Note in advance: Tizala, the Red Knight, the Spades and the Heart children are all vampires and thus must be staked through the heart or consume ichor to be permanently killed.

The Terrible Goblin Wood

The PCs are travelling from Vornheim in the east to hold an audience with the Heart Queen’s royal messenger/Minister for Foreign Affairs (the Rabbit), so that the city of Vornheim may establish healthy trade relations. 1 of the PCs is carrying a letter to hand to the Minister. They’ve heard the Minister has always been difficult to get a hold of, which is why a group made of tougher, more expendable stuff was needed.

Just as the PCs notice the trees clearing, they come across a white rabbit apparently frozen in place, gazing at something ahead through the trees. 2 goblins emerge from the trees to attack the group.

The rabbit will hop off at speed, dropping a pocket watch with a red heart on it and an invitation to the Hatter’s tea party. The parchment reads as follows (put it in an attractive, difficult-to-read font and print out one copy to give the party):

Dearest lady or gentlemanimal, 

You are cordially invited to treat with the Advisor to the Pale King in the Hatter’s Castle. Your attendance would be very WELL appreciated in the form of delicacies imported from the most exotic gourmet wells and the Far West in the East. The tea wheel naturably be of her Highness equality. 

Please bring your invitation to show at the door. Guests of guests and un-so-forthwith shall be judged by the lawful methodology in the tea room.

p.s. There will indefinitely not possibly be any or no cordial.

Yours sinceritabily,

Lord M. Hatter

Rewards: invitation, pocket watch [see details under ‘Pond’ – properties cannot be identified except through use]

Note: the Rabbit can cast Suggestion twice/day. It also has an ability allowing it to move at x2 speed once per day (normal speed is above human.) The Rabbit is hard to kill.

Pond

Coming out of the forest, there is a road made of blue cobblestone leading to a pond in the middle of a garden. By the pond are beds of flowers, suitable for resting on. Two 30’ tall violets stand next to the flowerbeds. Will react poorly if beds are ruined, demanding compensation.

At the centre of the pond is an ornamental pedestal carrying a Dwarven corpse with an almost gracefully bulging stomach – this is the Pseudoturtle, wearing a monocle: vizier to the Queen of Hearts. It will cry for rescue.

In the pond are 2 little crocodiles and a Nephilidian spy disguised as a fish amongst the other various fish. Touching the water will cause contacting humanoid extremities to disobey their owner (DC 12 WIS save.)

The Pseudoturtle gives a ring to each PC that cannot be removed once worn. This allows them to revive with 1HP once stabilised or else be reincarnated after 5 real-time minutes.

The Pseudoturtle will want the PCs to retrieve his missing shoe and will give them 500gp to do so, as well as another 500gp if they apprehend the shoe thief to face the Queen’s justice. The only clues are a tiny lime-yellow bowler hat and a teapot smelling suspiciously of red wine. It says, whatever the case, to make sure someone loses a head – Voivodjan tradition. He suggests going to see the children of the leech well and warns that the PCs should not greet them empty-handed, for growing children need nourishment.

If the Rabbit’s pocket watch is shown to the Pseudoturtle, he will recognise it and insist on taking it off the PCs’ hands, offering an oaken misericorde in exchange which can be used to permanently kill vampires. The watch can stop time for 6 seconds per day when the button is pressed. Anyone touching the watch at the time is not frozen.

Directions: walk to the statue garden at the top of the hill 3 miles to the south. Fool a scarecrow and then walk 30 seconds down the hill in any direction to find the leech well.

Reward: rings, tiny lime-yellow bowler hat, croc skins and claws

Note: the Pseudoturtle is actually a lizard that wears a turtle’s shell. It’s grown too big to leave the shell and it cannot swim. It can teleport between humanoid corpses.

The Statue Garden

4 x level 1 Spades. Several statues, many of which are missing limbs or other body parts. A winged angel carved out of marble sits to the right of the middle of the garden. The angel has fresh bandages wrapped around its stomach. The Spades are posing as scarecrows protecting a vegetable patch with pumpkins, cabbages, carrots and snow peas.

Note: the Spades are weak vampires – weaker than goblins – but they should be creepy. Their mouths have been hastily sewn shut and each one has a Roman numeral branded across its forehead. They will respond to living flesh when it crosses the threshold of the vegetable patch, uprooting themselves, moaning hungrily and slowly lurching towards the food source. Spades aren’t much of a threat except for their grapple – they can’t bite anything with their sewn mouths.

The Children in the Well

The children are forever hungry for anything other than leeches. This is why, even knowing of the danger, they will accept invitations to the weekly tea parties held by the Hatter. Whilst the other invited children have already left to attend the party, the remaining 3 children in the well will give the PCs anything beginning with ‘I’, such as information. The children will recognise the hat as belonging to the dreaded doormouse of the Pale King. They greatly fear the mouse and would like to see it pay for its crimes. They will mention that there is to be a special guest at the party. There was meant to be such a guest a fortnight ago, but the Hatter lost his balance and accidentally tore up the guest’s name card, which messed up the welcoming ceremony (actually a summoning ritual). Will let the party take a long rest here.

Reward: information, 1 x incendiary arrow, vial of ichor (like poison, +d6 damage, double damage to undead, single dose)

Note: in a less combat-oriented game, you might like to make the ichor an auto-kill should a creature consume the entire dose. This emphasises a strategic focus.

The Hatter’s Castle

Bamboozled - David Legge

In front of the castle entrance stands a mome rath (green hairless pig with tusks) that makes wild accusations (mostly about clothing and behaviour), checking guests’ invitations and then directing them to the door on the left, followed by the second on the right to arrive at the tea party.

In the reception, the Rabbit and a Red knight are engaged in a duel. The Rabbit wins. The knight wears a bastard sword, a throwing axe, a pike and a misericorde made of ebony. The knight wishes to save Tizala, the Red Bride.

A door on the far end of the reception room leads to the ceiling of the tea party room. The floor, in comparison, looks to be larger in area. Shelves of wine and cheese line the walls. Both bottles and cheeses are of varying sizes, with some larger than a person whilst others are as small as a thimble. The only ordinary-sized bottle has a label reading ‘Drink me’. This will shrink a creature down to the size required to pass through the second door on the right to the tea party room.

Treasure: Hummingbird’s Elixir [whiskey] (heals d6 + CON mod, -1 to atk rolls), bottle labelled ‘Drink me’

• 1st door on the right: a portal to a river, on the opposite side of which stands a squad of 6 Red knights intent on rescuing their princess, unable to cross (as they are vampires.) On the side is a small garden surrounded by a tall hedge. The PCs will only notice this after seeing the Red knights, as they hear the sounds of children playing. In the garden, 2 level 1 Hearts – appearing as little girls with blonde ringlets –  and their dog are having a picnic under the shade of a tree. One girl is offering the other more tea. They have a blanket and a picnic basket.
• Reward: picnic basket (contains anything picnic-appropriate that the PCs will desperately need in the tea party room)
• 2nd door on the right: the door is barely a foot high and leads to the tea party room. A bottle with a ‘Drink me’ label on it is required to shrink down to size. Next to the door is a coffee table with a muffin on it with an ‘Eat me’ label. Eating the muffin before going through the door will cause the individual to grow massively, their body becoming cramped in the space (other creatures make DEX saving throw or take d6 crushing damage) and their head smashing through the ceiling onto the crypt (see ‘3^rd door on the right’.)
• 3rd door on the right: stairs up to the crypt – 1 step is rotten (DC 12 DEX saving throw or trip, alerting other room occupants to character’s presence.) The Rabbit is here to wake up Tizala. Blood pooling on the floor is knee deep. In here are paintings, a treasure chest and 3 long wooden boxes (read: coffins.) Treasure chest requires DC 13 Thievery check to pick lock. Key is around Tizala’s neck.
• Treasure: healing potion (2d4 + CON mod), necklace of Polymorph Self (Bat), 150gp, gold crown with 9 inlaid rubies

The Tea Party – Unwelcome to the Party, Richter

This large circular room has at its centre a round table, around which the Hatter, March Hare (currently hidden in the Hatter’s hat), 3 level 1 Hearts (appearing as small girls with golden ringlets) and a tired doormouse are seated at the table, eating cakes, devilled eyeballs, finger sandwiches, cheese, pudding and roasted children feet. The room and table alike are adorned with candles. The many teapots all appear to be filled with red wine. The Hatter is very drunk, the doormouse has fallen asleep up against its teacup next to the Pseudoturtle’s missing shoe. Should it enter/be placed in a teapot or jar, the doormouse will teleport to any other like vessel in Voivodja. A human boy sits in the seat with the name card ‘Honoured Guest’. There are just the right number of empty chairs left for the PCs and 2 more for the Rabbit and Tizala.

Upon entering, guests’ invitations will be checked. Those without an invitation must beseech the seated guests for permission to join the festivities. Foreigners are a rarity in Voivodja and as such their native customs are novel to Voivodjan residents – party guests will highlight this should players struggle.

1 seat will be left vacant next to the human boy for the Red Bride, Tizala. The child is to be used as a sacrifice to summon a Guest to marry the Red Bride. Once all PCs are seated, Tizala will enter the room, ushered by the Rabbit. She appears utterly miserable. The Hatter commences the summoning ritual after everyone is seated, drunkenly toasting the bride and groom. The ritual concludes with the Hatter and the other guests saying, “Welcome to the party, Richter.” If the ‘Honoured Guest’ name card is in any way damaged before the ritual is complete, the summoning will fail and Tizala – relieved – will attempt to eat the human boy. Unless antagonised, she will not harm the PCs. If the Guest is summoned, the name card will loosely act like a lich’s phylactery – the Guest will take any damage the card receives (no to-hit roll.) However, the card becomes effectively laminated and flame retardant and must be cut/stabbed/etc.

After the Guest is summoned and the situation decays, NPCs pick sides. The Heart children will attempt to kill the Guest for breaking tradition, the March Hare will emerge, trying to stop the PCs from leaving and the Hatter will go mad, harming no one but inconveniencing everyone with his time-space magic (except on the odd occasion he casts a Haste aura benefitting his allies.) The Hatter’s actions every round are determined by rolling a d8. (You can - very luckily - find the stats for free here [semi-NSFW] though I used HD 5 to work out hit points.)

            The Unwelcome Guest (Agent of Disruption)

Human child with a giant centipede snaking through the ears and eye sockets. Covered in faces – the Unwelcome Guest is terrifying. Purpose is to tempt nobles into sin, but must oblige the Hatter’s request - marrying Tizala - prior. He will attempt to dispense with the wedding rite of engagement (each partner must duel an enemy to the death – 2 PCs to be selected as enemies) by killing the bride instead.

            HP: 38 / AC 16 / 2 attacks per round: +d20 to hit, d20 damage.

            Immune to poison, flame and fear.

            Powers:

• The Guest’s shadow burns all it touches for 1d10 damage (except the Guest itself). 
• All within 20’ radius must succeed on a DC 12 WIS save or be overcome with the desire to kill other random nearby character (50% chance of wanting to eat them, too.)
• Polymorph Self: (dire wolf) 30HP / AC 14 / Bite: +5 vs AC, 2d6 damage. Target must succeed on DC 13 STR saving throw or be knocked prone

I'd be lying if I said no arms were torn off

Conclusion

The PCs have one main mission that they’ve probably forgotten by this point: meet the Minister for Foreign Affairs (i.e. the Rabbit) and give him the letter requesting an audience with the Queen of Hearts. Should this be achieved, the PCs will suddenly notice a door in their peripheral vision and the Rabbit will lead them through it to the Queen’s castle. End game.

Should the PCs retrieve the Pseudoturtle’s missing shoe, they receive the reward of 500gp (and 500 more if they have the doormouse in their custody.) It will also provide a letter of recommendation to the party to be shown to the Queen of Hearts herself. The Pseudoturtle will then lead the PCs to a door which will take them to the castle. End game.

The PCs lose if all of them die before anyone reincarnates.

***

Personal Notes

No adventure runs as exactly written if you’re doing it right. I’ve now run this one shot three times with different groups and every playthrough was both satisfying and unique. It might also be worth noting that every group had at least one person who’d never played 5e before and two of the groups had people who’d never played a tabletop RPG before.

The first thing I should note is that Voivodja is weird. Taken from Zak S’ A Red & Pleasant Land, it’s essentially Alice in Wonderland meets Transylvanian vampires. For this reason, almost every living creature speaks the common tongue (though the Rabbit can only be heard by humanoids when whispering in their ears.) As real world logic does not apply here, I removed Bluff and Diplomacy checks altogether, which gave way to fascinating roleplay every time. I found that the trick to encouraging roleplay was to give every NPC excessive levels of either personality or reputation. This largely minimised the number of combat encounters – I only ever had 2 max – because everyone was either too engaged in roleplay, keen to get to the tea party or simply terrified of the potential enemy.

Travelling around Voivodja should be irrational and euphoric. After the Statue Garden, the scenery should change with every few steps. It should be as dizzying and confounding as Alice in Wonderland was/is. The more nonsensical the directions the PCs are given, the better. This is really helpful if you’ve got a bunch of new players who’ve gotten stuck as I’ll point out.

Giving your players an NPC guide is incredibly helpful. On the first playthrough, the players went to the Statue Garden atop the hill instead of going to the Pond with the Pseudoturtle. To give the party directions, I introduced a purple kitten called Ildna (secretly a Red Bride who’s trying to get rid of Tizala by marrying her off to someone other than the Red King) who the players loved. She served as a helpful guide for the party in exchange for them taking her to the tea party where her sister was getting married – the castle is across a river, which vampires cannot cross. As helpful and friendly as she was, Ildna was always a little suss, mentioning how hungry she was and eventually letting slip her craving for delicious children. Being able to divulge only small pieces of information at a time with maximum effect will be your greatest asset. Especially when even the vampire kitten needs the Pseudoturtle’s help, but is counted amongst its enemies.

On the second playthrough, I ditched the children in the well and had the Pseudoturtle accompany the PCs to the tea party – he’d always wanted to attend, but was never invited. In both cases, the guides help keep the players moving when they got stuck (which tends to happen in the Statue Garden and the bridge leading over the river to the Hatter’s Castle.) Voivodja is equal parts confusing and wonderful for those experiencing the setting for the first time.

Combined with the bizarre geography of Voivodja, the NPC guides were indispensable.. Whenever it looked like there was a dead end – voila! – the Pseudoturtle/Ildna would  give some bogus directions, e.g. “Well, I don’t know any routes into the castle, but the Leech Children sure will and I know how to get to them! Just twist your left earlobe anti-clockwise, walking hesitantly in a north-easterly direction on a bearing of 6 toes to the right, rotating your big toes thrice in opposite directions.”  The 'fool the scarecrows' schtick was too confusing for players across all groups. It's far too counter-intuitive for being so early in the adventure - the task ought to be modified, I just haven't thought of an appropriate solution yet.

If the players don’t follow the directions, roll with it. “You only rotated your big toes twice? Oh boy. You find yourself standing in a knee-deep pool of blood, next to three 6ft-long wooden boxes.”

With the reincarnation thing, I just had a whole bunch of pre-gens for the players to pick from, but the new character would still have the knowledge of the previous one for easy integration. Even though the PCs TPK’d themselves the first time, I had them all wake up at the table in the tea party room because they were literally one room away and it was the better option. (Also, Ildna was the one to give the reincarnation rings on the first playthrough seeing as the Pseudoturtle was skipped.)

To add a little roleplay flavour for my players, I did two things: character flaws and secret missions. I gave each pre-gen a flaw so that even if the player had no idea about their character’s personality, they could play out the flaw. It worked really well. This was rounded out by each character having a secret mission. These are the ones I used:

•          Assassinate the Minister for Foreign Affairs
•          Join the court of the Heart Queen
•          Get the riches and the girl
•          Kidnap the Queen of Hearts’ vizier
•          Enter the employment of the Pale King’s advisor
•          Capture the doormouse to return to the Mayor of Vornheim
•          Don’t let the Guest of Honour arrive
•          Meet and pledge your allegiance to the Guest of Honour
•          Don’t allow any children you meet to continue suffering in the wartorn country of Voivodja (the paladin got this one… and succeeded before he died)

One last thing about the Unwelcome Guest (who I’ve named Richter for Arnold Schwarzenegger reasons): he’s fucking horrific. Even when he’s the one taking the blows. Even to the point of inducing nightmares. Your players shouldn’t want to fight him directly (though it’ll be a great time regardless.) They have the option to join him or they can run away. They can exploit his weakness, but one round with Richter is enough to know that direct confrontation won’t lead to victory. The first party lost this way and reincarnation doesn’t happen in the boss battle. The second group exploited his weakness and barely avoided a TPK. The third said, “Nope,” and we called the session there. 

Every group of players had a blast. The PCs may lose, but the players won’t. 

Mad World

All the drawings in this post were done by my friend Denise (level 2 human ranger). Her take on the Queen of Hearts is - I think - especially chilling. She's been re-working some of the drawings (some of which I have yet to see) so I'll share those in future posts.

*****

Hector/Heinrich the half ghoul

For whatever reason when I run a game, there are at least trace elements of horror. So naturally whilst I was preparing for a Red & Pleasant Land one shot, one of my players asked me if we could use the optional insanity rules in the 5e DMG. We played a couple of weeks back and here are my views on the tweaked 5e sanity system I implemented.

If you want to know the short of it, it's this: implementing a sanity mechanic drastically changes the tone of a game and both you and your players must be aware of what's going to be in store before you get started.

Firstly the mechanic: use WIS for all sanity checks/saving throws (though there were no sanity checks throughout the session). At the beginning of the session, I gave the group two options for the system:

Elophas the Barbarian

Normal: you get 4 sanity points. Every time you fail a sanity saving throw, strike off 1 or more points (GM discretion depending on severity of failure/phenomenon). On each strike, the GM does the following (or the player can roll d100 and the GM will consult the table):
1st strike: roll on the DMG short-term madness table
2nd strike: roll on the DMG long-term madness table
3rd strike: roll on the DMG indefinite madness table

On the fourth strike, the character goes crazy beyond possible function. This is equivalent to death.

Hardcore: number of sanity points = WIS modifier. If a character has a modifier of 0 or less, they start off with an affectation of the mind determined by rolling on the indefinite madness table. In this case, the character has 1 sanity point. If they have 5 sanity points, losing the first one doesn't impose any adverse effects.

When someone loses sanity, roll on the madness table corresponding to the character's starting sanity point total, e.g. if the PC's starting total is 2 sanity points, start with the second strike, followed by the third strike as per the normal system.

*****

Berrin Thornfoot (Halfling Druid)

By a 3:2 vote, hardcore mode was the go. Three out of five characters started with 1 sanity point and two of them had affectations (alcoholism and laughing at everything, respectively.)

So this is how it went:

All 4 and half hours were tense, even when the party was just walking and talking. The Place of Unreason is not a predictable land and (as our druid told me after the session) there was the ever-present fear of everything/everyone they encountered turning weird and twisted, forcing sanity saving throws right and left. The highest number of sanity points anyone had was 2. The first PC went crazy within the first 2 hours after seeing salmon- and toad-headed footmen erupting out of the earth.

The Great Grub and his animal-headed guards

What I did next is a mistake I will not make again. Seeing how down the player looked at being out so early (I forgot I had some backup pre-gens in my bag) I gave him the option of continuing to play his character, on the condition that he could convince me of a suitable character concept fitting the 'crazy beyond function' criterion. The example I gave him was that if he was a guy who laughed at everything, he'd basically have to be the Joker but more insane.

Never give someone an excuse to play an insane character when it could be a remotely feasible character concept they could otherwise come up with on their own. They will abuse it and the rest of the group's experience will suffer due to this individual (the character, that is) that serves to be far more detrimental than dead weight. Dead weight doesn't cast Entangle on the entire party because it's whacky in the brain. Save it for when you will in no way be at fault for the creation of that evil.

In the end, three out of five player characters went insane (two of them in the final room) and another was babbling uncontrollably for 10 minutes.

Sev (Elf Wizard) - pre- and post-insanity 

My conclusion:

I was running a R&PL one shot with Call of Cthulu levels of tension throughout. Implementing a sanity system humanises player characters to the point that the badass, heroic fantasy aspect is diminished. It's hard to feel like a powerful adventurer when insanity could hit you around the next corner.

Madness is especially dangerous in Voivodja where literally everything could be considered alien to a non-native. You can avert this to some extent by making the PCs relatively familiar with the run of the mill unreasonable creatures and happenings if they've already been in the land for some time.

Sanity mechanics shouldn't necessarily be avoided, but ought to be handled with care. Know that you're playing a fundamentally different game to one in which madness has no such part. Or, alternatively, you could just use the 5e optional rule as it was meant to be used, leaving out sanity points and total insanity, but where's the fun in that?

I for one will be going back to simply scaring my players from time to time, rather than their characters as well, at least in these one shots I'm doing anyway.

Elizabeth Bathyscape (pre-Queen of Hearts era)

*****

As an aside, if you're running a game incorporating horror themes, be sure that your players can take it. Our Alice player (R from earlier) kinda lost it a little in the larder stocked with human carcasses. I suppose it was fitting that the Alice lost her sanity there, at least.

On 5th Edition, Vampires and Rabbits

So it's been almost 3 months since the  2 year long Eberron campaign reached its conclusion and I left behind the 4th edition of D&D. More on that some other time.

Today I finally got to break out my 5e books and - more importantly - A Red & Pleasant Land for a one shot. I've been waiting on RPL since I first saw the 'Eat Me' posts on the D&D with Pornstars blog some 1 and a half years ago and for 5e since I realised it's OK to buy yourself Christmas presents. (Sorry, I'm Australian and don't believe in commas before 'and', as much as they increasingly make sense to me.)

3 players, I'll call them J, Z and R. The only thing of note here is that it was R's first time ever touching tabletop RPGs and she was one of the last people I'd expect to play D&D.

There's not much I can say about 5e that hasn't already been said. It's been examined to death by now in terms of basic mechanics and what it means for the franchise. I will say that it's a very solid system that's easy to use as both a GM and a first-time tabletop RPGer. 20 minutes in and R was making Persuasion checks as if she'd been doing it for years. I couldn't be more pleased with the system mechanics-wise.

As a side note, (as much as I like some of the open source streamlined versions) I'm completely on board with the official 5e character sheet: it's extremely simple and effective for communicating information to both players new to the edition and to D&D itself. Besides, you can easily get by with the first 2 pages granted you're not a spellcaster, which is 100% reasonable.

Alright, enough about 5e and onto the main meal. Let's start with a couple post-game quotes, shall we:

 "I can't believe no one's come up with this until now... Vampires and Wonderland just work"

"... whimsical and creepy - it's fantastic"

These sum it up nicely, I think. One more important thing to consider before reading on is this: I'm a pretty half-baked as far as DMs go. Fantasy exposition isn't one of my strong suits and my retarded eye muscles make tracking several things at once a huge pain. I've been told Cthulu is my calling (spare me.) Nevertheless, the end result was worth it.

This was a one shot adventure for level 1 characters that I threw together over the weekend using the adventure plothook generation tables in RPL. Sure, I scrapped half of that result, replacing the pearl selling with attending the Hatter's tea party and the children of the well with an Unwelcome Guest, but that's what this material lets you do. It's almost too easy.

The players and their characters were like this:

Z - rogue
R - the Alice
J - paladin, (and later) ranger

In short, the party was tasked by the city of Vornheim to hold an audience with the Queen of Heart's Minister for Foreign Affairs (i.e. Reasonable Propositions) to establish trade relations. This was the Rabbit, obviously, who speaks almost every language in and out of existence. This was the same rabbit that J hurled a javelin at 4 minutes into the game. Also the same rabbit that the party didn't identify until practically reaching the tea party because they killed most sources of information.

So here's something I noticed: vampires are everything you want them to be just like what you grew up on, but they still manage to be different in the best way. Sure, human blood consumption and the running water issue are alive and well in the minds of the players, but these vampires make one reconsider their own moral alignment. For instance, from almost beginning to end, the vampire bride/kitten accompanied the party. Surprisingly, the only one who blindly trusted her at the start was J. Huh. I suppose he only remembered he was a paladin after he died.

Here you had an obviously vampiric kitten, openly craving some chow of the human variety. This was outright deplored for maybe the first hour of play, with even the loyal J preaching about what cats do and don't eat. Then the human children living in the leech well happened. Amidst all the arrows flying at R's rump in the dark, in addition to prior useful directions and help with vampiric communication, a thought occurred to the characters and players alike: this vampire is hungry - she kills to survive - so then maybe it's not evil? After all, the kitten had certainly resisted any temptation to feast on the party members (save for the uncontrollable bloodlust after her first taste of blood. Z was understanding. Terrified as she gently stroked his face post-drain, but understanding.) The catharsis was signalled by J lobbing the kitten through the air and onto the face of a child (again: paladin. Huh.)

Of course, the kitten/bride Ildna betrayed the group, but this was purely political in nature. Their acceptance of this came partly through a developing understanding of Voivodjan society and the fact that, whilst not entirely monstrous, vampires in the Place of Unreason are still intensely scary. All this from a NPC I threw in as an afterthought when the PCs went to the statue garden rather than anywhere else.

The setting itself is also a big part of challenging the pre-existing meta-knowledge surrounding vampires. Voivodja is strange. The Place of Unreason. Every talking caterpillar, every left turn that actually puts you 3 floors up, every little thing that shouldn't be but is. It all adds up. No assumption is safe (though some are and that's where things get really weird.)

Click to enlarge

Okay, so enough about how cool the vampires and general setting are - though damn, they're exciting. A Red & Pleasant Land is the ideal format for introducing someone that is foreign to RPGs.

R doesn't usually play games of any description, but wanted to see what the fuss about D&D is after Z kept telling her about it. Good job, Z. R eventually decided upon the Alice I'd pre-genned.

Most advice I see and hear relating to starting D&D as the greenest of greenhorns is to think of one's favourite character from the Lord of the Rings. Cool, a lot of people liked those films and even more have watched them. Here's the problem though: not everyone watches Return of the King and then goes to find out how they can get more of it - they watch it and say, "That was a good movie," and it's done. The point is that not everyone cares about that thing you care about.

Alice in Wonderland, on the other hand, could not be more suited as one of the most (if not the most) universal access points to tabletop RPGs in the West. That story has always been, at its core, about the innocence of childhood and the magic of imagination. Oh hey look, half of that is D&D. A good start.

It's the aspect of the innocence of childhood that's the real ticket though. Who can you think of that didn't have a childhood? The answer: dead babies. Everyone else has or will experience childhood and whether they end up associating it with positive or negative experiences isn't important; what's important is that people either want to re-create the childhood they've lost over time or experience the childhood they never had. Take Michael Jackson: worked hard and got famous as a child. That was his childhood, for better or worse. He grew up and ended up owning and living in the Neverland Ranch. Neverland is Wonderland's less pretty cousin. People have an attachment to childhood, even if it's not their own.

So back to R. She's watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy and that helped her understand the some of the more archetypal classes, but that just made her feel even more that the game wasn't for her. So she went for the Alice. It's a class that's relateable for many people due to a) the evocative mental image it paints (cheers Lewis Carroll) and b) everyone has had a childhood of some sort. More than that though, it suited R perfectly, as both 'individuals' are new to the foreign worlds I threw them into (being Voivodja and a RPG), making anything that's novel to the Alice similarly so for R.

R blitzed it. She played up the exasperation to the point that no one knew if it was R or the Alice talking. This made bringing up the exasperation table really simple, but also made me realise that for some players (definitely not all), a GM could use their discretion to roll on the exasperation table. Not necessary in this instance, as R ranted about how there was "suddenly a door" where there wasn't one before for a few minutes, even knowing that she'd used her exasperation.

By the end, R had left (she'd already stayed for 3 hours longer than she'd planned to - "2 hours is enough for this, right?" ... Ha) and the remaining party of 2 wiped twice: once in the room before the final boss fight (J threw down a treasure chest from the second floor that landed on the unconscious Z and J was then crushed by a coffin about 30 seconds later) and then again in the final boss fight which turned out to be more of a vampire brawl with a couple of single hit point PCs thrown into the mix. The Unwelcome Guest was making vampires' heads explode just by slapping them (see JoJo's below) across the face. It was beautiful. More so because the tea party doubled up as a wedding and Z played 'The Red Wedding' through his iPad.

Basically, thank everything that there are authors like Zak S out there.

A few last notes on the resources:

• Except for the goblins (straight out of the MM), every creature the group encountered was straight out of RPL with only a few easy mental calculations made for 5e/a level 1 party. The only NPC I put effort into statting was the Unwelcome Guest. That took all of 10 minutes, if that.
• I used this because I loathe pre-game math and it literally takes a few seconds to know exactly how you should be building your 5e combat encounters.
• The RPL book itself is a super convenient on-the-spot reference for DMs/GMs. I just slapped about 20 low-adhesive sticky tabs in it 30 minutes before leaving home today and I was good to go for the entire 6 hour session. I tabbed 4 of the random tables in the book, which could be used in any setting and that was only for during the session. I used a lot more in my prep.
• If you have A Red & Pleasant Land, are playing in a game set in Voivodja or just like vampires and you haven't read/watched JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, go do that now. If none of those apply to you, go do it anyway.