Here I'm sharing the first R&PL one shot I wrote and ran for D&D 5th edition. Scroll to the personal notes I've included at the bottom of the post for a link to a gameplay report of the first time I ran this as well as things I've noticed/done to improve the experience. With the exception of the goblins, all creature stats were taken/generated from A Red & Pleasant Land by Zak S.
I've written a sequel to this adventure as well, but time will tell if I share it or not. I've only run it once and it potentially needs some tweaking.
***
The
Tea Party
Run time
5-6 hours
Party Level
A level 1 party of 2-6 players
Note
in advance: Tizala, the Red Knight, the Spades and
the Heart children are all vampires and thus must be staked through the heart
or consume ichor to be permanently killed.
The Terrible Goblin Wood
The PCs are travelling from Vornheim in the east to
hold an audience with the Heart Queen’s royal messenger/Minister for Foreign
Affairs (the Rabbit), so that the city of Vornheim may establish healthy trade
relations. 1 of the PCs is carrying a letter to hand to the Minister. They’ve
heard the Minister has always been difficult to get a hold of, which is why a
group made of tougher, more expendable stuff was needed.
Just as the PCs notice the trees clearing, they come
across a white rabbit apparently frozen in place, gazing at something ahead
through the trees. 2 goblins emerge from the trees to attack the group.
The rabbit will hop off at speed, dropping a pocket
watch with a red heart on it and an invitation to the Hatter’s tea party. The
parchment reads as follows (put it in an attractive, difficult-to-read font and print out one copy to give the party):
Dearest lady or gentlemanimal,
You are cordially invited to treat with the Advisor to the Pale King in the Hatter’s Castle. Your attendance would be very WELL appreciated in the form of delicacies imported from the most exotic gourmet wells and the Far West in the East. The tea wheel naturably be of her Highness equality.
Please bring your invitation to show at the door. Guests of guests and un-so-forthwith shall be judged by the lawful methodology in the tea room.
p.s. There will indefinitely not possibly be any or no cordial.Yours sinceritabily,Lord M. Hatter
Rewards:
invitation, pocket watch [see details under ‘Pond’ – properties cannot be
identified except through use]
Note:
the Rabbit can cast Suggestion twice/day. It also has an ability allowing it to
move at x2 speed once per day (normal speed is above human.) The Rabbit is hard
to kill.
Pond
Coming out of the forest, there is a road made of blue
cobblestone leading to a pond in the middle of a garden. By the pond are beds
of flowers, suitable for resting on. Two 30’ tall violets stand next to the
flowerbeds. Will react poorly if beds are ruined, demanding compensation.
At the centre of the pond is an ornamental pedestal
carrying a Dwarven corpse with an almost gracefully bulging stomach – this is
the Pseudoturtle, wearing a monocle: vizier to the Queen of Hearts. It will cry
for rescue.
In the pond are 2 little crocodiles and a Nephilidian
spy disguised as a fish amongst the other various fish. Touching the water will
cause contacting humanoid extremities to disobey their owner (DC 12 WIS save.)
The Pseudoturtle gives a ring to each PC that cannot
be removed once worn. This allows them to revive with 1HP once stabilised or
else be reincarnated after 5 real-time minutes.
The Pseudoturtle will want the PCs to retrieve his
missing shoe and will give them 500gp to do so, as well as another 500gp if
they apprehend the shoe thief to face the Queen’s justice. The only clues are a
tiny lime-yellow bowler hat and a teapot smelling suspiciously of red wine. It
says, whatever the case, to make sure someone loses a head – Voivodjan
tradition. He suggests going to see the children of the leech well and warns
that the PCs should not greet them empty-handed, for growing children need
nourishment.
If the Rabbit’s pocket watch is shown to the
Pseudoturtle, he will recognise it and insist on taking it off the PCs’ hands,
offering an oaken misericorde in exchange which can be used to permanently kill
vampires. The watch can stop time for 6 seconds per day when the button is
pressed. Anyone touching the watch at the time is not frozen.
Directions: walk to the statue garden at the top of
the hill 3 miles to the south. Fool a scarecrow and then walk 30 seconds down
the hill in any direction to find the leech well.
Reward:
rings,
tiny lime-yellow bowler hat, croc skins and claws
Note:
the Pseudoturtle is actually a lizard that wears a turtle’s shell. It’s grown
too big to leave the shell and it cannot swim. It can teleport between humanoid
corpses.
The Statue Garden
4 x level 1 Spades. Several statues, many of which are
missing limbs or other body parts. A winged angel carved out of marble sits to
the right of the middle of the garden. The angel has fresh bandages wrapped
around its stomach. The Spades are posing as scarecrows protecting a vegetable
patch with pumpkins, cabbages, carrots and snow peas.
Note:
the Spades are weak vampires – weaker than goblins – but they should be creepy.
Their mouths have been hastily sewn shut and each one has a Roman numeral
branded across its forehead. They will respond to living flesh when it crosses
the threshold of the vegetable patch, uprooting themselves, moaning hungrily
and slowly lurching towards the food
source. Spades aren’t much of a threat except for their grapple – they can’t
bite anything with their sewn mouths.
The Children in the Well
The children are forever hungry for anything other than leeches. This is why, even knowing of the danger, they will accept invitations to the weekly tea parties held by the Hatter. Whilst the other invited children have already left to attend the party, the remaining 3 children in the well will give the PCs anything beginning with ‘I’, such as information. The children will recognise the hat as belonging to the dreaded doormouse of the Pale King. They greatly fear the mouse and would like to see it pay for its crimes. They will mention that there is to be a special guest at the party. There was meant to be such a guest a fortnight ago, but the Hatter lost his balance and accidentally tore up the guest’s name card, which messed up the welcoming ceremony (actually a summoning ritual). Will let the party take a long rest here.
Reward:
information, 1 x incendiary arrow, vial of ichor (like poison, +d6 damage,
double damage to undead, single dose)
Note:
in a less combat-oriented game, you might like to make the ichor an auto-kill
should a creature consume the entire dose. This emphasises a strategic focus.
The Hatter’s Castle
 |
| Bamboozled - David Legge |
In the reception, the Rabbit and a Red knight are
engaged in a duel. The Rabbit wins. The knight wears a bastard sword, a
throwing axe, a pike and a misericorde made of ebony. The knight wishes to save
Tizala, the Red Bride.
A door on the far end of the reception room leads to
the ceiling of the tea party room. The floor, in comparison, looks to be larger
in area. Shelves of wine and cheese line the walls. Both bottles and cheeses
are of varying sizes, with some larger than a person whilst others are as small
as a thimble. The only ordinary-sized bottle has a label reading ‘Drink me’.
This will shrink a creature down to the size required to pass through the
second door on the right to the tea party room.
Treasure:
Hummingbird’s Elixir [whiskey] (heals d6 + CON mod, -1 to atk rolls), bottle labelled
‘Drink me’
- 1st door on the right: a portal to a river, on the opposite side of which stands a squad of 6 Red knights intent on rescuing their princess, unable to cross (as they are vampires.) On the side is a small garden surrounded by a tall hedge. The PCs will only notice this after seeing the Red knights, as they hear the sounds of children playing. In the garden, 2 level 1 Hearts – appearing as little girls with blonde ringlets – and their dog are having a picnic under the shade of a tree. One girl is offering the other more tea. They have a blanket and a picnic basket.
- Reward: picnic basket (contains anything picnic-appropriate that the PCs will desperately need in the tea party room)
- 2nd door on the right: the door is barely a foot high and leads to the tea party room. A bottle with a ‘Drink me’ label on it is required to shrink down to size. Next to the door is a coffee table with a muffin on it with an ‘Eat me’ label. Eating the muffin before going through the door will cause the individual to grow massively, their body becoming cramped in the space (other creatures make DEX saving throw or take d6 crushing damage) and their head smashing through the ceiling onto the crypt (see ‘3rd door on the right’.)
- 3rd door on the right: stairs up to the crypt – 1 step is rotten (DC 12 DEX saving throw or trip, alerting other room occupants to character’s presence.) The Rabbit is here to wake up Tizala. Blood pooling on the floor is knee deep. In here are paintings, a treasure chest and 3 long wooden boxes (read: coffins.) Treasure chest requires DC 13 Thievery check to pick lock. Key is around Tizala’s neck.
- Treasure: healing potion (2d4 + CON mod), necklace of Polymorph Self (Bat), 150gp, gold crown with 9 inlaid rubies
The Tea Party – Unwelcome to the Party,
Richter
This large circular room has at its centre a round table, around which the Hatter, March Hare (currently hidden in the Hatter’s hat), 3 level 1 Hearts (appearing as small girls with golden ringlets) and a tired doormouse are seated at the table, eating cakes, devilled eyeballs, finger sandwiches, cheese, pudding and roasted children feet. The room and table alike are adorned with candles. The many teapots all appear to be filled with red wine. The Hatter is very drunk, the doormouse has fallen asleep up against its teacup next to the Pseudoturtle’s missing shoe. Should it enter/be placed in a teapot or jar, the doormouse will teleport to any other like vessel in Voivodja. A human boy sits in the seat with the name card ‘Honoured Guest’. There are just the right number of empty chairs left for the PCs and 2 more for the Rabbit and Tizala.
Upon entering, guests’ invitations will be checked.
Those without an invitation must beseech the seated guests for permission to
join the festivities. Foreigners are a rarity in Voivodja and as such their
native customs are novel to Voivodjan residents – party guests will highlight
this should players struggle.
1 seat will be left vacant next to the human boy for
the Red Bride, Tizala. The child is to be used as a sacrifice to summon a Guest
to marry the Red Bride. Once all PCs are seated, Tizala will enter the room,
ushered by the Rabbit. She appears utterly miserable. The Hatter commences the
summoning ritual after everyone is seated, drunkenly toasting the bride and
groom. The ritual concludes with the Hatter and the other guests saying, “Welcome
to the party, Richter.” If the ‘Honoured Guest’ name card is in any way damaged
before the ritual is complete, the summoning will fail and Tizala – relieved –
will attempt to eat the human boy. Unless antagonised, she will not harm the
PCs. If the Guest is summoned, the name card will loosely act like a lich’s
phylactery – the Guest will take any damage the card receives (no to-hit roll.)
However, the card becomes effectively laminated and flame retardant and must be
cut/stabbed/etc.
After the Guest is summoned and the situation decays,
NPCs pick sides. The Heart children will attempt to kill the Guest for breaking
tradition, the March Hare will emerge, trying to stop the PCs from leaving and
the Hatter will go mad, harming no one but inconveniencing everyone with his
time-space magic (except on the odd occasion he casts a Haste aura benefitting
his allies.) The Hatter’s actions every round are determined by rolling a d8. (You can - very luckily - find the stats for free here [semi-NSFW] though I used HD 5 to work out hit points.)
The
Unwelcome Guest (Agent of Disruption)
Human child with a giant
centipede snaking through the ears and eye sockets. Covered in faces – the
Unwelcome Guest is terrifying. Purpose
is to tempt nobles into sin, but must oblige the Hatter’s request - marrying
Tizala - prior. He will attempt to dispense with the wedding rite of engagement
(each partner must duel an enemy to the death – 2 PCs to be selected as enemies)
by killing the bride instead.
HP:
38 / AC 16 / 2 attacks per round: +d20 to hit, d20 damage.
Immune
to poison, flame and fear.
Powers:
- The Guest’s shadow burns all it touches for 1d10 damage (except the Guest itself).
- All within 20’ radius must succeed on a DC 12 WIS save or be overcome with the desire to kill other random nearby character (50% chance of wanting to eat them, too.)
- Polymorph Self: (dire wolf) 30HP / AC 14 / Bite: +5 vs AC, 2d6 damage. Target must succeed on DC 13 STR saving throw or be knocked prone
 |
| I'd be lying if I said no arms were torn off |
Conclusion
The PCs have one main mission that they’ve probably
forgotten by this point: meet the Minister for Foreign Affairs (i.e. the
Rabbit) and give him the letter requesting an audience with the Queen of
Hearts. Should this be achieved, the PCs will suddenly notice a door in their
peripheral vision and the Rabbit will lead them through it to the Queen’s
castle. End game.
Should the PCs retrieve the Pseudoturtle’s missing
shoe, they receive the reward of 500gp (and 500 more if they have the doormouse
in their custody.) It will also provide a letter of recommendation to the party
to be shown to the Queen of Hearts herself. The Pseudoturtle will then lead the
PCs to a door which will take them to the castle. End game.
The PCs lose if all of them die before anyone
reincarnates.
***
Personal Notes
No adventure runs as exactly written if you’re doing
it right. I’ve now run this one shot three times with different groups and
every playthrough was both satisfying and unique. It might also be worth noting
that every group had at least one person who’d never played 5e before and two
of the groups had people who’d never played a tabletop RPG before.
The first thing I should note is that Voivodja is weird. Taken from Zak S’ A Red & Pleasant Land, it’s
essentially Alice in Wonderland meets Transylvanian vampires. For this reason, almost
every living creature speaks the common tongue (though the Rabbit can only be
heard by humanoids when whispering in their ears.) As real world logic does not
apply here, I removed Bluff and Diplomacy checks altogether, which gave way to
fascinating roleplay every time. I found that the trick to encouraging roleplay
was to give every NPC excessive levels of either personality or reputation.
This largely minimised the number of combat encounters – I only ever had 2 max –
because everyone was either too engaged in roleplay, keen to get to the tea
party or simply terrified of the potential enemy.
Travelling around Voivodja should be irrational and
euphoric. After the Statue Garden, the scenery should change with every few
steps. It should be as dizzying and confounding as Alice in Wonderland was/is. The
more nonsensical the directions the PCs are given, the better. This is really
helpful if you’ve got a bunch of new players who’ve gotten stuck as I’ll point
out.
Giving your players an NPC guide is incredibly
helpful. On the first playthrough, the players went to the Statue
Garden atop the hill instead of going to the Pond with the Pseudoturtle. To
give the party directions, I introduced a purple kitten called Ildna (secretly
a Red Bride who’s trying to get rid of Tizala by marrying her off to someone
other than the Red King) who the players loved. She served as a helpful guide
for the party in exchange for them taking her to the tea party where her sister
was getting married – the castle is across a river, which vampires cannot
cross. As helpful and friendly as she was, Ildna was always a little suss,
mentioning how hungry she was and eventually letting slip her craving for
delicious children. Being able to divulge only small pieces of information at a
time with maximum effect will be your greatest asset. Especially when even the
vampire kitten needs the Pseudoturtle’s help, but is counted amongst its
enemies.
On the second playthrough, I ditched the children in
the well and had the Pseudoturtle accompany the PCs to the tea party – he’d
always wanted to attend, but was never invited. In both cases, the guides help
keep the players moving when they got stuck (which tends to happen in the
Statue Garden and the bridge leading over the river to the Hatter’s Castle.)
Voivodja is equal parts confusing and wonderful for those experiencing the
setting for the first time.
Combined with the bizarre geography of Voivodja, the
NPC guides were indispensable.. Whenever it looked like there was a dead end –
voila! – the Pseudoturtle/Ildna would
give some bogus directions, e.g. “Well, I don’t know any routes into the castle, but the Leech Children
sure will and I know how to get to them! Just twist your left earlobe
anti-clockwise, walking hesitantly in a north-easterly direction on a bearing
of 6 toes to the right, rotating your big toes thrice in opposite directions.”
If the players don’t follow the directions, roll with it.
“You only rotated your big toes twice? Oh boy. You find yourself standing in a
knee-deep pool of blood, next to three 6ft-long wooden boxes.”
With the reincarnation thing, I just had a whole bunch
of pre-gens for the players to pick from, but the new character would still
have the knowledge of the previous one for easy integration. Even though the
PCs TPK’d themselves the first time, I had them all wake up at the table in the
tea party room because they were literally one room away and it was the better
option. (Also, Ildna was the one to give the reincarnation rings on the first
playthrough seeing as the Pseudoturtle was skipped.)
To add a little roleplay flavour for my players, I did
two things: character flaws and secret missions. I gave each pre-gen a flaw so
that even if the player had no idea about their character’s personality, they
could play out the flaw. It worked really well. This was rounded out by each
character having a secret mission. These are the ones I used:
- Assassinate the Minister for Foreign Affairs
- Join the court of the Heart Queen
- Get the riches and the girl
- Kidnap the Queen of Hearts’ vizier
- Enter the employment of the Pale King’s advisor
- Capture the doormouse to return to the Mayor of Vornheim
- Don’t let the Guest of Honour arrive
- Meet and pledge your allegiance to the Guest of Honour
- Don’t allow any children you meet to continue suffering in the wartorn country of Voivodja (the paladin got this one… and succeeded before he died)
One last thing about the Unwelcome Guest (who I’ve
named Richter for Arnold Schwarzenegger reasons): he’s fucking horrific. Even when he’s the one taking
the blows. Even to the point of inducing nightmares. Your players shouldn’t
want to fight him directly (though it’ll be a great time regardless.) They have
the option to join him or they can run away. They can exploit his weakness, but
one round with Richter is enough to know that direct confrontation won’t lead
to victory. The first party lost this way and reincarnation doesn’t happen in
the boss battle. The second group exploited his weakness and barely avoided a
TPK. The third said, “Nope,” and we called the session there.
Every group of players had a blast. The PCs may lose, but the players won’t.
Every group of players had a blast. The PCs may lose, but the players won’t.
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